Steve says:
"I often see men in two minds about their drink or drug use. For some reason they no longer feel completely in control. Some have toyed with crystal meth and GHB – the drugs which grab the headlines. But it’s actually ketamine, cannabis, cocaine and alcohol that I’m mostly seeing.
Most men contacting the service are in their late 20’s to early 40s. Some have been using one drug or another most of their adult lives. Functioning (or not) under the influence has become normal. The most important early step is for the person themselves to establish why they feel they have a problem. It’s not for me or anyone else to decide this.
I tend to see men when they’re asking questions like:
- Isn’t there more to life? Why can’t I break this cycle?
- How come my friends can control their drinking or drug-taking but I struggle with mine?
- Is there another gay life besides the scene?
- If I make changes, what will fill the emptiness left behind?
After years spent doing the same thing men are left asking if it’s time for a change. A stumbling block can be how to make that change. For some their first, and maybe only, experience of gay life is the bright lights and sexual playground of the scene. Alternatives can seem hard to imagine, or just plain uninteresting.
But men have rarely explored the alternatives and they’re difficult to imagine if you feel controlled by a habit that’s getting hard to kick. A social life revolving around the gay scene, and friends who don’t understand what the problem is, just add to the shame and guilt often felt when you feel isolated and unhappy.
Sexual issues often go hand in hand with an escalating drug and or alcohol problem, with a big knock-on effect. So we look at worries about drink or drugs in the wider context, including how they impact on jobs, relationships and health. Drugs or drink might also be helping to blot out things people would rather not face up to, such as feelings about being gay, family and childhood, getting older or dealing with HIV.
Facing life ‘clean’ is unknown, frightening territory. Men can be scared that if they ask for help they’ll be told to give up the booze or pharmaceuticals. Well, our service isn’t about “just say no” clichés. It’s about providing a safe, non-judgemental and supportive space to explore drinking or drug taking with someone who knows the score. Then it’s up to the individual to decide whether the next step is cutting down, getting more control over how much they use, or stopping completely.
A man doesn’t need to come knowing what his problem is. And he needn’t worry about signing up for counselling that goes on forever: the service offers free sessions limited to 12 weeks. Many of us use substances in a controlled way that feels manageable. But many don’t. When your substance has a negative, overwhelming impact on other areas of your life, it’s only a matter of time before the skunk hits the fan. When it does, we’ll be there.”
Terrence Higgins Trust’s specialist drugs counselling services are available to gay or bisexual, HIV positive or negative men. If you want more information, or wish to see a counsellor, please contact Simon on 020 7812 1777.
